


If The Truth Makes You A Monster

by eastwynds



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: An AU where he listened to her at least a little, Baghra was a badass, Gen, I love Baghra so much, I would read a whole book just about her, Mother-Son Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 06:39:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15309612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eastwynds/pseuds/eastwynds
Summary: I had to tell her before she loved you, Aleksander. Because loving you… that’s a sorrow I know all too well.The Darkling visits his mother, seeking answers about why she betrayed him. Baghra explains why she’s lived on for so long, and shows her son the path to reuniting with his sun queen. An AU-ish one-shot from Baghra’s POV.





	If The Truth Makes You A Monster

**Author's Note:**

> The dynamic between those two was so fascinating. A mother/son duo, living through centuries of drama, the way she dealt with his bad choices, the responsibility she felt for him even though he was way out of her influence by the end. After everything that happened, she still wanted him to be happy... if only he’d shown the slightest sign of willingness to listen. Also, she’s a freakin’ badass and pretty much the only person other than Alina who could stand up to him. 
> 
> I wish we'd seen more of Baghra, so I wrote her this lil fic :)

“Aleksander?” Baghra shifted uneasily in her wooden chair, turning her head toward the door. “I know you’re there.”

It wasn’t a _presence_ she felt in the doorway, not exactly. It was more of a deepening absence, like a shifting scar in the reassuring essence of reality. And a darkness, the likes of which she hadn’t conjured in a long time.

Even without all her earthly senses, she would still have recognized her son.

“Speak, child,” she commanded. Her gnarled hand was already reaching for her stick, and she pointed it in in the direction of the door. “Why have you come here?”

She knew how much it would grate at him, being addressed in this way. _Child._ But she didn’t fear his wrath anymore. There was nothing left he could take from her. Nothing that mattered.

“I came because... I need to understand why.” His voice was thin, hesitant. Unlike himself. “Why did you betray me, after everything we’ve been through? You brought me into this world, knowing full well I’d be seen as a monster. You raised me. You taught me to acknowledge my power, to embrace my greatness... but now you’ve robbed me of any chance I had to be happy. Why?”

“Happy?” Baghra gave a bitter laugh. “You wanted to be happy? How? By crushing the whole world under your boot? By proving that you’re exactly the kind of monster everyone feared you’d be?” She brought the stick down against the floor. “Your destiny was to set the Grisha free, not to make new yokes for them!”

“My plans had a greater purpose,” he growled. “You should not have interfered. You should have let Alina make up her own mind about me. If you had only given us more time...”

“I had to tell her before she loved you, Aleksander,” Baghra whispered. “Because loving you… that’s a sorrow I know all too well. Saints know how I’ve endured it all these years.”

She shrank back in the chair she said it, pulling her dark shawl tighter around her shoulders, bracing herself. She expected him to fly into a rage, to break something, to use his powers against her like he had that terrible night after the fete.

She sensed hot anger flaring up in him, his power charging the air like electricity before a storm. It hung there for a moment, like a dark blade poised to swing, and then she felt him pull it back sharply.

He didn’t make a sound for a long time, but she was certain that he was still there. And she knew he was wounded by her words.

“Come here, child,” she said, taking the tone she usually reserved for unruly young students. “Stop this self-pitying nonsense. You are the ruler of this land now. It’s time you acted like it.”

She could feel him stepping closer, though his footsteps were silent. He knelt down in front of her chair, and she knew he was looking directly at her, staring into the pools of darkness that swirled restlessly where her eyes had been.

He reached tentatively toward her, brushing his palm over her sleeve. “I… I am... sorry,” he whispered. “For what I’ve– ”

“I don’t want your pity, or your apologies,” she said, smacking his hand away. “What’s done is done, Aleksander. But I want to know what you’re planning to do about the girl.”

“What would you have me do?” The hard edge instantly returned to his voice. “Alina hates me now. You’ve made sure of that. You’re the one who’s made me a monster in her eyes!”

“If the truth makes you a monster,” Baghra said, “then I think you’d already accomplished that for yourself. You would have made a slave of her, when you were meant to be leading the Grisha to an age of freedom! If you think for one moment that this is what your grandfather intended when he created those amplifiers–”

“I could have made Alina a proper queen!” he shouted. The air crackled again. He got back to his feet, sweeping his hand over the nearest shelf and scattering its contents to the floor. A bottle of _kvas_ shattered into pieces. “Alina is the most powerful Grisha in centuries! She is _Sol Koroleva_ , and she belonged with _me!_ Would you have me wait for that _otkazat’sya_ to take her back to some forsaken village, so she can spend her life wiping his children’s noses? Should I let that scoundrel Nikolai sweep her off her feet with the charming pirate act, so he can seat her on his worthless throne?”

“More likely, you’ll kill them both before she can choose between them,” Baghra said matter-of-factly. “And then you’ll drive Alina away from you for good. You foolish, selfish boy. You really think leaving her alone in this world will frighten her into your arms? No. I’ve looked into that girl’s eyes, Aleksander. She’s so much stronger than you imagine. She’ll never come back to you if you go down this path.”

“Enough!” he spat between clenched teeth. The power radiated from him, waves of seething darkness that bubbled with rage. “That’s enough! Don’t make me finish what I started!”

Baghra shifted in the chair again, spreading her arms wide.

“If that’s really what you want... then do it,” she said softly. “Just kill me, Aleksander. Do it. You’ve done far worse to me already.”

He paused. She could picture his face clearly, the way he always turned his head slightly to the side on the rare occasion when he paid attention to her chiding. The same way he’d done since he was a tiny child sitting at her knee.

“Worse things? You mean when I blinded you?” he said, his voice wavering. “Or was it when you thought I intended to hurt _her_? When you thought I was corrupting your bloody favourite, the little sun-saint?”

“No.” Baghra’s gnarled hand shot out toward where she knew he was standing. Her hand closed around his sleeve, yanking him closer, her fingers digging into his shoulder. “Listen to me. This is the worst of it, Aleksander. _You._ What you’ve become… you’ve cursed me with the knowledge that I birthed the world’s end, when I wanted to give it a new beginning! And you will never be happy if you carry on this way!”

She felt him flinch.

“You could bend this entire continent to your will if you wanted to,” she said. “I believe that. You could crush every enemy you have, and every loyal friend, if any remain. You could make yourself king of all that can be seen. But, Aleks... you will still be as lonely and incomplete as you’ve always been. You will still be the only one of your kind. And when I’m gone… then you’ll truly be alone.” She gave a deep, regretful sigh, releasing him. “I do love you, Aleksander. You’re the only reason I still live. All these years, I’ve been waiting.”

“For what?” he asked hoarsely. “What are you waiting for?”

“I tell myself that I might yet live to see you become a better man.”

She heard him make a soft intake of breath. And then he slowly leaned down toward her again.

“Hope isn’t lost,” Baghra said. She reached for his face, gently brushing his hair back from his forehead. “Alina cares for you, more than you know. Yes, she’s angry right now, and with good reason. She should hate you. But she is bound to you, soul and spirit. You are mirrors, so alike… and that’s what scares her. She doesn’t like what she sees in that reflection. If you want her back, then you must help her understand you.”

“How?” he whispered.

“You could try being honest, for a start.”

“Honest,” he repeated, as though the word were almost foreign to him.

“Tell her your name,” Baghra said. “Show her who you really are, Aleksander. Let her love the whole of you.”

“You know I’ll never be a good man,” he said hollowly. “And I don’t _need_ Alina to love me.”

“Perhaps not,” Baghra said, a smile ghosting over her lips. “But she will.”


End file.
